Monthly Archives: March 2014

Daughters

I heard this song on the radio the other day, and it reminded me how much I love the message. I love almost everything about the song (with the exception of the part that goes “boys you can break/you’ll find out how much they can take” – but that is another blog entry for another day).

I am extremely ashamed to admit it, but I watched The Bachelor this season. I know this is a weird transition, but it kind of comes together in the end. I am not an avid fan of the show, and this was only my second season viewing. I thought Juan Pablo, while a little vapid, was a decent guy…until the last few episodes.

As you will come to see in later blogs, I am not the leader of the women’s liberation movement, but I do believe that women are smart, have valid opinions, and deserve equal rights. In one of the last episodes, Andi, who is going to be next season’s Bachelorette (not watching it) removes herself from the competition because she feels like Juan Pablo hardly knows her. When she tells him this and explains her frustrations, he dismisses her feelings with his trademark “Eees okay.” After she leaves, he says he would have eliminated her when she started to argue with him. We was literally disgusted that this woman would deign to disagree with him. I was not impressed.

I was even more disgusted by his treatment of runner-up Clare Crawley. Clare really threw herself at the guy, but I honestly believe she thought she loved him. When asked for some reassurance from him, he told her he “didn’t know her that well” but “enjoyed ******* her.” What a pig! Like a dope, Clare chose to stay when should have walked out immediately and made him look the fool. When she confronted him on his statement, he told her everything she wanted to hear and that he could see himself with her. I think she genuinely thought he was going to pick her, and his words made me believe that, too.

Obviously, he dumped her. She finally let him have it and told him that he led her on and “wasn’t the man she thought he was.” Clare then told him she would never want someone like him to be the father of her children. Juan Pablo said that he was glad he didn’t picker her, again showing his view that women should be quite and submissive. Of course she was going to be angry!

I know these shows have clever editing and this guy claims to not speak English well, but I think saying “I don’t know you well but I enjoy ******* you” is pretty straightforward.

Here’s to my point. Throughout the entire season, Juan Pablo talked about his young daughter, Camilla. He portrayed himself as a wonderful father and acted like he was limited in how he could behave on the show because of this. I don’t know anything about his parenting skills (although I have a guess), but I can tell you that he has set an awful example for his young daughter. How is he going to feel when some jerk tells him daughter that he doesn’t really know her but enjoyed hooking up with her? Does he want his daughter to just be a piece of meat? Is he not going to let his daughter have opinions and ultimately become a controlled wife? Maybe he doesn’t care…

“On behalf of every man/looking out for every girl/you are the god and the weight of her world.”

Leave a comment

March 25, 2014 · 12:36 pm

Sometimes I Feel Like I Live in Grand Central Station

In September 2011, I made on of the biggest mistakes of my life.  I got a smart phone.  I thought I needed for work, and it was helpful but at the expense of my peace of mind.  I became addicted and felt like I was always on-call.  If I didn’t respond to a text/email instantly, I felt like a jerk.  It drove my husband nuts.  A new co-worker referred to smart phones as “golden handcuffs,” and she couldn’t have been more right.

I first used a cell phone back in high school.  My dad would loan me his when I went out, and it was for emergencies only.  Then, in college, I got my own phone, which I still used for calling only.  I miss those days.

Somewhere between 2006-2012 it got out of control.  Now, I walk across campus, and people are texting, tweeting, or listening to music on their phones.  Hell, people don’t even call each other anymore – they text.  It is so impersonal; now wonder we are becoming socially inept.

I’ll be the first to admit that I love to play on facebook when I’m waiting for an appointment or read twitter while riding the bus.  But, I am am consciously making an effort to end my addiction to my phone.  I put my phone away at meals.  I disabled my emails on a vacation to Las Vegas last fall.  I set parameters with work and made it clear that I would not take emails or phone calls after hours except during deadlines.  It works – there is nothing that cannot wait until 8:30 the next morning.

With that said, I really do value my phone as a safety device.  If I have car trouble, I know help is only a call way.  Phones even have tracking devices now, which are hugely helpful but hopefully never needed.

I’m trying to use my phone mainly just for calling and limit internet surfing/facebook checking to when I’m at an actual computer.  While I’m not perfect, I am making strides.  I don’t want to miss life because I’m too worried about what’s happening on my phone.  Perhaps I will make a new friend or smile at someone who needs a friendly face.  Who knows?

Leave a comment

Filed under Societal Observations

Stop overusing the word “bully”

I meant to post this earlier.  I am ashamed to admit it, but I watch the Bravo TV series Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (RHOBH).  One of the main story-lines from this season has been the discord between Brandi Glanville and new housewife Joyce Giraud.  By the way, I know reality TV is very staged and made-for-TV.

On a trip to Palm Springs, Brandi called Joyce by the wrong name (Jacqueline) and made some other attacks that are too monotonous for this blog.  Long story short, a catfight ensued and ultimately Brandi was being referred to as a “bully.”

The show portrays her as an obnoxious, mean-girl, but I think the use of the word “bully” is a bit much.  Bullying is a serious problem in this country.  In the above scenario, both of these women were on equal footing, so the use of this term is inappropriate and undermines the seriousness of the problem.  Sometimes, people don’t get along and don’t like each other.

I am so sick of the word “bully.”  Fit Mom and the Duck Dynasty guy have both recently been referred to as bullies.  While they may be insensitive, they are not bullies.  The second that somebody has an opinion that is unpopular, he or she is a bully.  We aren’t even allowed to disagree anymore.

Children have been bullied so badly that they have become depressed and/or committed suicide.  Look at Jonathan Martin.  The word “bullied” should not be used for mean-girl drama, spats, and one-time teasing.  It undermines the seriousness of the problem for the people who are really suffering.  Don’t devalue the meaning of the word.  If everyone is a bully, then nobody is.

Leave a comment

Filed under Societal Observations

Loyalty

I have always liked Duke Johnson.  That’s not just because he is an exciting football player.  I like him even more because he is a man of his word.  In a world where you can be “30% committed” (that’s like being a little pregnant) to a university, Duke committed to play at the University of Miami back in a time when there was a lot of uncertainty around the program.  Who was going to be the coach?  What was going on with this rumored NCAA investigation?  Would the Canes ever return to their former glory?  It is known that rival coaches used these points to try to turn him away from his commitment, but Duke shut them down.  He had given his word.  Miami was his team, and he was going to stand with The U through thick and thin.  I find that admirable in a society where loyalty is no longer valued.

We live in a “me” society right now, and I’m using sports as my vehicle to discuss it.  I get that people need to take care of themselves first, but I feel there is a real disregard for the values that we should have.  Our beloved NFL is willing to make money through any means possible, but they aren’t willing to stand by the men who sacrifices their brains and bodies to play the game.  That’s one of the main reasons I’m not as invested in pro sports, especially Major League Baseball.  Everyone seems to sell to the highest bidder, but that should hardly be surprising anymore.  I’m not a huge fan of Hines Ward, but I respect the guy for retiring rather than becoming a washed-up journeyman (I’m looking at you, Brett).  “I will remain a Steeler for life,” Ward said at his retirement announcement.  You just don’t see that anymore, across any profession.

In early 2011, I had a pretty good shot at a position that would have paid much better and been a lot less stressful  than the one I held at the time.  I removed my name from consideration because a) I realized there was a good chance we would be moving when Eric finished medical school the next year and didn’t want  to give my word that I would be there when I most likely wouldn’t and b) I wanted to show loyalty to a coach who I believed in.  With the benefit of hindsight, it would have been better for me professionally to have pursued the new position, but I didn’t do it because I felt connected to something.  Crazily, I felt so loyal to The U that I have said that I will never work in college athletics again (among other reasons).  And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

People just aren’t loyal to each other anymore, even within families.  Look a the parents who put their children second, third or not at all rather than first.  “Having it all” is more important than loyalty and doing what is right.

I believe that we are all only as good as our word.  That is why I am so careful about my commitments.  I cannot tell you the number of times, in both my personal and professional lives, when someone has flaked on a commitment.  If I say I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it.  Sometimes, things happen, and if I can’t do something I said I would, I’m going to let you know.  Even if that something is really simple, like ‘I’ll call you Wednesday afternoon.”  You can bet your bottom dollar I will call you sometime Wednesday afternoon!

Leave a comment

Filed under College Football, Societal Observations